


Frostbite

by Skarla



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, Magic, Mental Instability, Multiple Personalities, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-08-07 20:00:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16414982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skarla/pseuds/Skarla
Summary: James is more than a little wary at the thought of a new addition to the facility, especially when everyone else seems to have strong opinions over his presence.   Loki doesn’t particularly want to be there, but then he doesn’t really want to be anywhere else either and Sargent James Barnes is the most intriguing Midgardian he’s met yet.





	1. Longing

**Author's Note:**

> Follows main Marvel MCU storyline up to Age of Ultron, but not Civil War or Thor Ragnorak. In this version, Sam found Bucky during/shortly after AOE and brought him to the Upstate Avengers Facility. Bruce did not leave the solar system through a portal but also returned to the Facility, and Loki did not fake his own death and overthrow Odin, instead he returned to Asgard for judgement.
> 
> Check End notes for a description/explanation of Bucky’s personalities if required.
> 
> Summary: James wishes that life were simpler, and that Steve was better with words. Most of all, he just wants to know what the hell is going on.

The Asset stared out of the reinforced window and tried to remember that he was allowed to be a person now.  Steve had even – reluctantly – made it an order when the last therapist that Tony had produced had indicated that positive orders might somehow cancel out the bad ones.  The Asset – James, at least at that point, had wanted to snort with derision.  But he hadn’t.

He could feel the persona of James sliding back up, unfurling inside of him in delicate swirls of colour.  He was James quite often now, when he was comfortable.  Sometimes he was the Asset, and sometimes he was Sargent Barnes – usually when Stevie had done something to piss him off.  He was almost never Bucky, but that didn’t stop the persistent punk from calling him that, as if the name were some sort of magic token.

A sound behind him brought the Asset flashing back like black ink spilled over a watercolour.  Steve, holding two cups of coffee and a hopeful expression.

“Morning Buck.”  The Asset took a deep breath.

“Morning,” James replied, taking the mug Steve held out to him.

“It’s nothing to be worried about,” Steve said in a rush, eyes firmly fixed on the treeline.  “I’m sure the new… guest will keep to himself.”

“I’m still not clear on why he’s coming here,” James said carefully, hoping that they might be able to finish the conversation he had attempted to start last night.  Steve talked a lot, but James found that the blond often skipped over the bits he was actually interested in.

“Asgard is a mess after the whole Dark Elf thing, and Thor is going to be busy sorting all that out, and he is apparently not mad anymore so fingers crossed once he proves his sanity they’ll lift the house arrest and he’ll be off on his own anyway.”

Sargent Barnes rolled his eyes.  “Steve, that doesn’t explain anything!” he protested.  “What Dark Elf thing?  Did I miss a briefing?  Is this some twisted version of the Hobbit?  What do you mean mad? Why is he under house arrest in the first place?  And you were going on about Barton last night but I’m still not sure what the hell I was supposed to be taking away from your monologue!”

Steve’s mouth opened and Barnes braced himself for the reply and a fresh wave of frustrated questions, but then his StarkWatch beeped at him and James watched in resignation as the tiny square of technology stole all of Steve’s attention.

“Bucky, I just-”

“Go,” James interrupted.  “But if you don’t learn to spin a straight answer I am going to ask someone else to explain and probably put my foot in it.”

Steve was gone but the coffee was still hot so he resumed staring out of the window until inspiration struck.

“Friday?”

“Yes, Sargent Barnes?” the AI responded promptly.

“Can you download all available files on Loki to my tablet?  The ones I have access to.  Limit the timeframe to the last ten years please, I’m not interested in the mythology.  Or should I be?  I mean, it’s the same person, right?”

“I believe that the relevant mythological texts on Loki of Asguard were included in the file that you have access to.  It was compiled by my predecessor, JARVIS, and seems quite comprehensive.”

The Asset hadn’t known JARVIS, although he was becoming familiar with Vision, and he knew from Stark’s grumbling that the AI had been vastly superior in reasoning and functionality to Friday.  He concluded that the data would probably contain an adequate overview without the need for further independent research.

“Thank you, Friday.”

*

Of course, it turned out that Steve had been called away because Stark’s fancy computers had alerted the Avengers of Bifrost activity in the area.  James didn’t have time to finish his coffee, let alone read the files before Friday politely informed him that his presence had been requested on the front lawn.

It seemed that the summons extended to the entire facility, apart from the support staff.  The active Avengers, the security teams and the Agents currently assigned to the facility were all present.

The Asset hung back in the shadow of the building.  He glanced up and  easily spotted Barton crouched on a ledge just under the roof.  He thought the man had retired, but apparently Loki’s arrival was enough to draw him back.  The Asset regretted that there had not been time to review the file; he was missing information.

The Asset had never seen the Bifrost in person before.  James was transfixed by its beauty, and somewhere deep inside his mind Bucky wanted to paint it, but despaired knowing that his skill was not equal to capturing the glory of the rainbow fire.

The light winked out, leaving fused glass where the gravel had been melted, and two tall figures.  The large muscled blond man stepped forward with open arms and a beaming smile.  The Asset kept his gaze on the blond’s companion.  Dark and slender, he moved like a predator as he stepped away from the Bifrost site.  The blond, Thor, he recognised from the briefing file Hydra had given him on the Avengers.  He seemed unconcerned to show his back to his companion, conversing easily with Stark and Steve, but for all his rambling Steve had managed to make one thing clear.

Loki was dangerous.

The gathering was over so quickly that James questioned the sanity of calling everyone together in the first place.  He retreated to his assigned room to read his files in peace.

Three hours later he had come to the conclusion that they had been summoned because someone had been worried that Loki’s first action on arrival would be to attack everyone present, and his stomach was grumbling.

The Asset thought that the preparation had been needless.  If Loki had wanted to attack, he would not have been so obvious.  Reading between the lines of the files, the God had been more than a little mad during the Battle of New York, and his behaviour at that time could not be used to predict future action.  The older data made it clear that he was a trickster who often approached sideways and was known for his manipulative skills.  James suspected that he had wanted to lose the battle, and had left the Avengers as many loopholes as he dared.

The Asset recognised the pattern.  It was one he was intimately familiar with after all.

After reading the files, he realised that he was a little jealous of the god, not that he was about to admit that to anyone, ever.  Loki’s madness had been devastating and dramatic and… short lived.  He knew enough to know that it wasn’t healthy to compare, that trauma was not a contest, yet at the same time he wondered at the parallels.

Loki had fallen from a rainbow bridge, according to Thor’s report.  Bucky Barnes had fallen from a train.

Both had been given up for dead by those who loved them.  Both had fallen instead into the hands of evil creatures, and been remade into tools to shape the world at the bidding of those creatures.

James wondered how different it might have been had Steve not crashed the Valkyrie into the ice.  If someone had recognised him, had come for him during his first mission for Hydra, as Thor had come for Loki.

There was no changing the past, but James could admit to himself that he was a little jealous at how quickly it had been _over_ for Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An explanatory note on Bucky’s personalities (he’s not quite right in the head, who would be after all he’s been through?) I’ve gone for standard disassociation between the different mindsets/fragments of his personality as the most likely result of the trauma he was subjected to. I am no psychologist, this is an extreme exaggeration of traits that I have noticed in myself and others – the way we have a different persona we slip into depending on the situation. I was also quite inspired by etrix’s portrayal of Cloud’s personality fragmentation in her story ‘Mad World’. (It’s on AO3 and if you have any interest at all in FFVII I’d recommend it). If anything is jarringly wrong or if you have any feedback or suggestions they are very welcome! https://archiveofourown.org/works/501704/chapters/880938
> 
> The Asset: the reasoning/analytical Winter Soldier mindset. He usually uses it when he is startled/upset/uncomfortable/in a combat situation.
> 
> Sargent Barnes: Firm and commanding with a side of exasperated yelling. He usually uses this persona when Steve has annoyed him, or when someone is challenging him on something he knows a lot about, or if he has to organise things.
> 
> James: I think the best way to describe James would be to reference how he was on the run in Civil War. Trying to regain memories and some semblance of a life, figuring out likes and dislikes but also wary, not wanting to be a danger to anyone anymore. 
> 
> Bucky: his inquisitive, flirty, cheerful side, artistic and full of wonder about the technology of the future. At the beginning of the story, Bucky is rarely seen – as the main original personality most of the trauma happened to him.


	2. Rusted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is seriously out of practice at this whole introspective helpful talking thing.

At first, it was like he wasn’t even in the building.  It took Jane, to everyone’s surprise, to drag him into the Wednesday night team dinner.

“He helped defeat the Dark Elves,” she announced as she pushed the Asguardian into a spare seat.  “He has earned the right to eat with us.”  She glared her way around the table as if daring someone to argue with her.

The Asset kept his eyes on the entrance to the west corridor, knowing that Barton and Thor would be approaching from the gym.

The interaction went almost exactly as the way that the Asset predicted it would.  Thor’s face lit up with a beaming smile, overjoyed to find his brother seated with his comrades. He strode eagerly into the room and took the empty seat opposite.  Barton, on the other hand, remained in the doorway.  James knew that if their roles had been reversed, he would have seriously considered moving out rather than sharing common living space with one who had taken all control from him.  Of course, when that had actually happened to him, he hadn’t had a lot of choice.

Strangely, it was Loki himself who broke the stalemate by rising gracefully to his feet.  He looked around the room and James was suddenly reminded that this was a Prince, trained to handle situations that the rest of the group could only imagine.  It was easy to forget that Thor was royalty, and the jovial giant of a man seemed to rarely feel the need to remind people, although the files indicated that that had not always been the case.  Loki had his own style and it was nothing like his brother’s.

“This is your team,” the god of lies and mischief said clearly.  “If my presence continues to cause discomfort I will retire to my chambers.”

Jane opened her mouth to protest, but the James caught as slight movement from the corner of his eye and knew that Romanova had nudged her into silence.  That was not surprising – the Black Widow’s alliance with Hawkeye seemed to be a greater priority for the assassin than her alliance with the Avengers.

A muscle ticked in Barton’s jaw as he stepped into the room.  “Stay, or go,” he said gruffly.  “Don’t leave on my account.”  He took a seat at the other end of the table.

It was not the most uncomfortable meal that the Asset could remember, but it certainly deserved a spot in the top ten.

*

Loki was not present at the team dinner the following week.  James hadn’t seen him in the gym either, or outside wandering the grounds.  Bucky, interest piqued by the mythological figure living invisibly in their midst, wondered what he did all day.  The god made the Asset uncomfortable.  He was an unknown, and the Asset liked to be able to evaluate and assess all variables.

Driven by Bucky’s curiosity and the Asset’s need for information, James found himself keeping an eye out for Loki.  As he wasn’t present at meal times, the communal kitchen was the logical place to catch a glimpse of him.

Logic didn’t seem to apply to Loki, Bucky reflected glumly three days later as he nursed a rapidly cooling mug of Bruce’s herbal tea.

A noise at the door made the Asset look up sharply to assess, all traces of Bucky retreating to the back of his mind.  Romanova and Barton entered the room, walking in step.  She nodded to acknowledge his presence, but their conversation continued as if he wasn’t sitting there.

“I get that it would be hypocritical to blame him,” Barton was saying, the harsh lines of his shoulders betraying how tense he was.  “I know that.  We don’t blame Banner for his actions as the Hulk, they’re out of is control.  Hell we don’t blame Selvig for opening the portal.”

“We don’t blame you either,” Romanova pointed out as she opened the icebox.

“Whatever.”  Barton shifted uncomfortably.

“And we don’t blame Barnes for what he did under Hydra’s control,” Romanova continued as if he hadn’t spoken, glancing at the Asset.

He wasn’t sure if that was an invitation to join their conversation or not, so he stayed where he was.  Romanova turned away after a second, but then closed the icebox and approached his sofa with a jug of iced tea in hand.  Barton followed with two glasses.  James reasoned that maybe that glance had been an invite to join them after all.  It didn’t make much sense to him – out of everyone on site he probably knew the least about Loki.

“What do you think Barnes?” Barton asked as Romanova filled the glasses.  “About Loki being here.”

“Don’t be coy, Clint,” Black Widow admonished.  “We’re not talking about his presence here, we all agree that he shouldn’t be running around unsupervised.  We’re talking about your wish to have him caged up like a wild animal.”

“He’s been here for ten days,” James began, stalling Barton’s next protest.  “So far he seems to have behaved himself.  I’ve hardly seen him to know otherwise though.”

“If he were in a restricted access suite we’d know where he was at all times.  Having him wandering around makes me twitchy,” Barton complained.

Natalia sighed, and James wondered how long the conversation had been going on for before they’d come to the kitchen.

“Barnes, do you have a take on Loki’s actions during the Battle of New York?” she asked next.  “I assume you’ve read the files.”

The Asset nodded.  “I familiarised myself with the report when I learnt that Loki was to reside here,” he confirmed.

“Do you think he helped the Chitauri attack us willingly?” she pressed.  Out of the corner of his eye, he noted that Barton froze.

“I recognised a pattern of behaviour,” he said carefully.  “Barton, Selvig and Loki all exhibited this pattern.  It’s one that I am familiar with.”

“Explain,” Barton demanded.

“Loopholes,” the Asset explained, but the confusion on Barton’s face made it clear that he must be more specific.  “Selvig left a failsafe to shut down the portal.  You attacked the helicarrier in such a way that the crew were able to make mid-air repairs rather than crash.  Loki… Loki made a spectacle he didn’t need to.  He’d arrived in a secret underground base.  The world didn’t need to know he was here.  He made a lot of noise in Germany, got everyone’s attention, gave everyone time to prepare.  He attacked New York, which made it personal for the team, gave them an incentive.  Strategically, New York is a terrible choice.”

“Loki is a prince,” Natalia pointed out thoughtfully.  “He would have knowledge of strategy.”

Barton frowned.  “You’re telling me that he wanted to fail.”

“The same way that you did,” James agreed.  “You complied with your orders, but you did it in such a way that everything you had done could be fixed, provided that everyone kept their heads and worked together.”

They sat in silence for a moment, Romanova sipping at her iced tea and James sloshing the last of his around in the lukewarm mug as Barton absorbed what had been said.

“All right,” the archer said suddenly, rising to his feet and throwing back the rest of his drink.  “I get that he was not in control of his actions, and shouldn’t be blamed.  I still don’t like the dude.”

“No one is saying that you have to,” Natalia assured him.  She nodded at James with what he thought was gratitude as she moved to return the jug to the fridge.

James sat back against the sofa cushions and frowned.  Loki deserved to know the outcome of that conversation.  If he was avoiding the common areas because of Barton, he should be made aware that he didn’t need to anymore.  The problem was, James was pretty sure that Romanova wouldn’t tell him, and he knew that Barton wouldn’t.

That left him.

James tilted his head back and contemplated the ceiling.  Well, he now had a reason other than paranoid curiosity to talk to the god.  Maybe it was time to knock on the door?


	3. Furnace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Facing Loki is a trial by fire, one that James is determined to conquer. Bucky’s curiosity demands no less.

The door to Loki’s rooms looked identical to all the others in the corridor.  The Asset knew that Thor had originally intended for his brother to share his suite, but Loki had requested a separate room.  He wondered how Steve would react to a request to move into a separate space, and decided that a vague wish for more privacy probably wasn’t worth triggering an avalanche of concerned arguments.

Loki responded to his knock quickly, wrenching open the door with a sour expression that quickly melted into surprise when he saw them standing there instead of his brother.

“Hi,” James said awkwardly.  The Asset wanted to take over, but for once James pushed back.  “Um.  Can I come in?”

“Yes,” Loki replied stiffly, taking a step back and regarding the Soldier with narrowed eyes.  “I believe the Midguardian custom is to offer a guest a beverage.”

It was a statement, not a question, so the Asset did not respond.  Hydra had often taunted him in such a way.  James pushed back again, reminding himself that Loki was not Hydra and had probably been caught off guard by the visit, enough not to play games.

“I’m all right, thank you.  I was part of a conversation about you, and I thought that you should be made aware of the outcome.”

Loki’s eyes hardened, and it felt as if the temperature in the room dropped a few degrees.

Conversely, the chill made James relax.  Steve had bad memories of the ice, he kept their shared rooms warm.  James had the opposite reaction; ice meant no more torture, no more missions.  Ice was the closest they had known to peace and rest for seventy years.

Bucky was enthralled by this evidence that Loki could control his environment, and wondered how it worked.

Calmer now than he had been in a long while, James quickly summarised the conversation with Romanov and Barton for Loki.  Once he had finished speaking, he waited for Loki’s reaction rather than excusing himself straight away.  The god could have questions, he reasoned.  It had nothing to do with how calm he was, or how curious Bucky was about the trickster.

“Thank you,” Loki said stiffly.  “I… had not realised that there was one here who would have been able to… whose experience matched my own so closely.”

James shrugged.  “Humanity is full of surprises.  Most of them aren’t good.”

Loki nodded absently, and then his eyes widened in what looked like alarm as his gaze fell on the thermostat on the wall.  “By the Norns!”  He glared down at his own hands for a moment and the temperature began to rise.

“How are you doing that?” Bucky blurted out, curiosity overcoming fear.  “Is it innate or learnt?”

“The cold didn’t trouble you?” Loki asked incredulously. “I was about to apologise.”

Bucky shook his head.  “If anything I miss it,” he admitted.  “Stevie always keeps the rooms too hot.”

“I sense there is a story there, perhaps one day you might share it with me.”  Loki bit his lip as soon as the sentence had finished, and perhaps for him that had been an unusual statement.  Before they had a chance to respond, he carried on. 

“It is innate, my ability to cool my surroundings, but I was not aware of it until quite recently.  I’m afraid that my control is not what it should be.”

“Practise leads to optimum performance,” the Asset observed.  “If a partner would assist we could train together.”

Loki took a step closer and peered into his eyes.  “There is something about you, Solider,” he mused.  “May I?”

The Asset had no idea what the god was planning to do, but he nodded anyway, because it had always been safer to answer that question with an affirmative, and because Bucky wanted to know what the trickster wanted to do.  Permission granted, Loki lay cool fingers on his temples and closed his eyes.  The Asset kept his open, watching Loki’s face and counting.

“Fascinating,” the trickster said after twenty three seconds.  “Thank you for trusting me.”

“What did you do?” Bucky asked, unable to contain the question.

Loki smiled, the first true smile Bucky had seen from him.  “You have a beautiful mind,” the god replied, which was an answer in itself.  “Fractured, yet whole, like a flawed gemstone.  You are nothing like the others – there is great potential in you.”

Bucky frowned.  “Potential for what?”  Somehow he was sure that Loki did not mean violence.  After all, they were all capable of that.

“You would call it magic,” Loki explained, startling the Asset into sniper stillness as his mind raced.   It seemed that Loki had anticipated a stunned reaction for the god said nothing further, instead picking up a book from the coffee table and settling into an armchair to read.  His nonchalance helped James regain equilibrium and begin to process the statement, his various reactions to it, and the consequences.

He was amazed to realise that for the first time that he could remember, the Asset and Bucky were in agreement, although their reasons for wanting to learn magic were wildly different.

Sargent Barnes pointed out that Loki hadn’t offered explicitly to teach them, but quickly agreed that there was no other reason for the god to have even mentioned it.  Loki was probably bored, and teaching Bucky magic was the most interesting available activity.

There had been no discussion about who would learn of course.  Much of their life had been uncertain since the fractioning and the fall.  In this at least, there was no uncertainly.

Bucky turned to Loki with a grin that made his cheeks ache from the unfamiliar stretch.

“When can we start?”


	4. Daybreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki offers to teach Bucky magic and the world opens up into colour again.

The first lessons – stillness and clarity of mind – Bucky had no problems with whatsoever.  Next came what he recognised as guided meditation, but it was somehow _more_ than images in his mind as Loki walked him through the celestial branches of the world tree.  He began to recognise a current of power that ran through all things.

After three days he had successfully managed to summon a flame, and Steve had noticed that something had changed.

“Where are you going in the afternoons?” he probed during their morning run.  “I came to find you yesterday and you weren’t in our rooms.  Friday wouldn’t tell me where you’d gone.”

James couldn’t decide how to respond.  Bucky was mute, and the Asset had found unexpected enjoyment in an activity that was purely his.  If he told Steve, Steve would have options and it was likely that things would change.  The Asset didn’t want that.  He had taken too long to answer,  and now Steve was looking concerned.

“Bucky?”

James had never been so glad to see the garish red and gold metal of the Iron Man armour as he was when Tony Stark chose that moment to land in front of them.

“Cap, we have a situation.  Barnes, I think this is above your clearance level,” he said without flipping up the face plate.

“I know where I’m not wanted,” Sargent Barnes said easily, throwing a sloppy salute at Steve and picking up the pace, leaving Steve to walk towards the suit.  He could just hear Stark start to complain about eau du sweaty super soldier and then he was round the side of the facility and out of earshot.

He knew that this was just a temporary reprieve though.  Steve would want to resurrect the topic once Stark had finished with him.

He discovered that the reprieve would last longer than he had expected as whatever top secret situation Stark had appeared to warn them about would take the whole team off base for a few days, possibly longer.  Steve reappeared as James was leaving the bathroom, towelling off his long hair and considering cutting it for the third time that week.  The internal clamour from the Asset and Bucky drowned out Sargent Barnes’ heartfelt consent every time.

“So, who is babysitting?” Sargent Barnes asked as Steve finished explaining, saying almost nothing of value as usual.

“What are you talking about?” the blond asked, brow crinkled in confusion.

“To watch me?” James said slowly.  Steve grinned at him.

“I guess you can consider this passing your probation, we’re not leaving anyone,” he said cheerfully.  “In fact, I was wondering if you’d mind keeping an eye on Thor’s brother, Loki?  Warn Friday if he starts doing anything alarming?”

“Please specify,” the Asset requested.

“Oh, you know, anything weird.  Anything that seems worthy of a supervillain.  I mean, he probably won’t, he’s behaved so far, but he might be trying to lull us into a false sense of security.”

James wanted to tell him that he was pretty sure that that wasn’t the case, but that would mean revealing that he had been spending time with the trickster god, and he wasn’t quite ready to do that either.

“All right,” he confirmed as Steve seemed to be waiting for an answer.

“Great.  I’m going to grab a quick shower and head out.”

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Sargent Barnes warned him as he entered the bathroom.

“I’ll leave all the stupid with you, don’t worry,” Steve smiled back, looking as ecstatic over the exchange as he had since the first time Sargent Barnes had tried it.

James busied himself in the kitchen, making and consuming his usual post-run breakfast.  By the time he had finished the washing up, the base was emptier than he could ever remember it being.  He turned around, and spotted Loki watching him from the sofa area.

“Let us take advantage of this sudden lack of scrutiny and take our lessons to the gym,” the god suggested. “I wanted to show you levitation.”

“The mats would be appreciated if I’m likely to fall unexpectedly,” Sargent Barnes agreed as he followed Loki out of the room.

Loki turned to looking at him and he stared back calmly.  “Nice to see you Sargent,” the trickster said, a smirk hovering in the corner of his mouth.  “I will do my best to ensure that you emerge from this session unscathed.”

“Appreciated,” Barnes smiled back.

Inside, James marvelled at Loki’s insight and wondered again what exactly the god had gleaned from his mind during that first contact.

The Asset wondered if Loki had memorised the training schedules of the Agents on site or if he would use magic to find out if the gym was empty.  Sargent Barnes pointed out that only the Black Widow and the Asset were paranoid enough to have memorised the schedules for the entire base, so it was probably magic.

“Any tips for a first time flier?” Bucky asked as the doors to the gym hissed closed behind them.

Loki’s grin was sharp, but Bucky could see genuine enjoyment in his eyes.  “Don’t be over-confident,” his teacher advised, looking around before walking to the grappling area in the corner.  “Magic, as you have discovered, is largely a matter of will and energy.  The universe is as alive as anything else after all.  Willing yourself to fly is quite obviously ridiculous – aerodynamics and so forth.  It just isn’t practical.  Floating, on the other hand, is a matter of buoyancy and gravity, both forces that can be manipulated.”

“Is the manipulation simultaneous or a choice between the two?” Bucky asked, and Loki’s face briefly brightened before returning to his usual calm mask.

“All three are viable options, gravity, buoyancy or both,” the god explained.  “Most end up with a preference.”

“Which do you prefer?”

Loki grinned wolfishly.  “I change depending on the circumstance.  Chaos, after all, is in my nature.”

They started with buoyancy, and by the end of the two hours that they had the gym to themselves Bucky had managed to match his buoyancy to the ait and hang as if suspended in water in the middle of the gym.  He had also fallen seventeen times and come close to fracturing his ankle.

“You’re doing very well,” Loki said quietly when they reached the communal kitchen.  “You are progressing faster than I predicted.”

Bucky smiled back.  “Thank you for taking the time to teach me.”

Loki bit his lip and dropped his gaze, more hesitant than they had ever seen him.

“I… you expended a lot of energy today.  I know, that is I checked and we have the ingredients for an Asgardian meal I am fond of.  Would…”

Bucky froze in surprise at the new situation and James nodded hesitantly.  “I would like to try Asgardian food if you are willing to cook for me.”

Loki nodded and walked to the fridge, opening the door and seeming to disappear into its depths.  He eventually reappeared with a whole chicken, three carrots and a bottle of the dark beer that Sam liked to drink.  He swiftly separated the chicken joints with the sharpest knife in the kitchen and set them to fry in butter before looking for more ingrediants.

James hovered uncertainly for a moment, before Sargent Barnes rolled his eyes at the lot of them and hopped up onto the edge of the counter, watching with interest as Loki unearthed a several onions and a swede from the vegetable drawer and began to peel it with a paring knife.

“Did I ever tell you about the time Stevie nearly got me shot?” he asked.

“No,” Loki replied, carving the skin from the swede in one long ribbon.

“So, it was during the war of course, we were taking a Hydra base like usual, and the dingbat went charging in, also like usual, which was fine because I’d found a beautiful spot to snipe from.  It had an amazing view of the front gates and you could see most of the yard and all of the front windows.  Just perfect.  Anyway, I take out a guy that’s about to shoot Steve, business as usual, and the addle-brained twit turns and salutes me.  Me!”

Loki finished chopping the swede into chunks and turned his attention to the onions.  “Saluting at you was a terrible move, I take it?” he prompted.

“Yes!  First rule of combat – never give away your sniper’s position.  First. Rule.  Next thing I know, at least four Hydra goons are firing back at me, my cover is completely blown and I had to roll down the extremely muddy hill then go find a new spot.  The new spot was not beautiful.  The new spot was next to a fucking ant hill.”

Sargent Barnes grinned with triumph when Loki snorted with amusement, and immediately launched into another story.  He liked making Loki smile, and there was something oddly soothing to all the disparate parts of himself to be sitting their talking while Loki cooked, a delicious smell wafting around the kitchen as Loki threw together his Asguardian version of what seemed to be chicken stew with careless grace.  The Asset noted that the trickster was smelling the small glass jars of seasoning rather than reading the labels.

“Do you cook often in Asgard?” Bucky asked as Sargent Barnes came to the end of his second story about infiltrating a Hydra base in disguise.

Loki froze for a second, his dance broken.  “It is something my mother insisted we learn.  Thor was terrible at it, and so gave up quickly.  I found that having mother to myself was ever better than cooking for the sake of good food, so I persisted.  Later she taught me healing salves and potions in much the same manner.”

“She sounds like an amazing woman.  Ma taught me how to cook, just simple stuff when she had the time, which wasn’t that often.  Came in handy though when Stevie moved in.  Man can’t even boil and egg.”

“It will be ready soon,” Loki announced as he spread the chopped vegetables over the chicken and topped the whole thing in beer before setting the lid on top.  “It probably won’t taste quite right.”

“It smells amazing already,” Bucky assured him.  “I can’t wait to try it.”

Loki flushed a little and nodded, scanning the room rather than meeting Bucky’s eyes.  His sharp gaze fell on the silent television screen.  “As we have the room to ourselves today, would you care to use it?  Thor has often spoken of an event he refers to as movie night, and I confess I am curious.”

“Sounds great.”

The Asset had taken care to ensure that he knew how to work every piece of technology available to them, so he picked up the remote with confidence.  Steve had told him that Friday wasn’t half as good as Jarvis had been at recommending films, so he did not call the AI for assistance, instead looking at the poster representations and reading the short description if any sounded like they might be interesting.

He narrowed it down to three choices before turning to Loki to present them.  “A retelling of an European folk myth where two children are kidnapped by a witch and turn the tables, a comedy where a man is continually bested by a large yellow dog or a group of missfits on a spaceship outsmarting a corrupt government?”

“The last one sounds intriguing,” Loki said, peering at the screen.

“There is apparently a Television series if we decide that we like it,” James told him as he started the feature.

They paused the movie to dish up steaming bowls of chicken stew, sitting at the table to better share a plate of thickly sliced buttered bread.  It was, Bucky decided, the best chicken stew he had ever eaten, and he silently apologised to Mrs Rogers, whose Irish chicken stew with dumplings had previously held the top spot.        

“Do you like it?” Loki asked tentatively as Bucky reached for a second slice of bread.

“It’s amazing,” Bucky told him honestly.  “Thank you for making it for me.”

Loki nodded slowly.  “I have not cooked for anyone besides myself in a long time,” he said after a pause.  “I am glad that you find it pleasant.”

“It’s more than pleasant, I am planning on a second bowl,” Sargent Barnes told him.  “This is far too good to leave leftovers.  You’re going to spoil me for my own cooking.”

Loki ducked his head, but not before they had spotted the pleased smile that he was trying to hide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who were interested, Loki was making http://www.vikinganswerlady.com/food.shtml#ChickenStew It sounds pretty good, I may try it myself some time! 
> 
> The films of course were:  
> Hansel and Gretal Witch Hunters  
> Marley and Me  
> Serenity


	5. Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky remembers that he kills Tony’s parents and knows that he has to confess.

One of the unexpected side effects of the sort of meditation that Loki has them practising every morning is that the separate parts that make up themselves are able to communicate more clearly, even when not in control.  The two that had been the most separate were Bucky and the Asset, and James isn't entirely sure that letting those two parts interact is the best idea. 

 

His hunch is proved to be correct on the 17th December, as they are working together to put up decorations in the common areas on the base. 

 

It's a memory shared by the Asset, who has been struggling to find common ground with Bucky and Sargent Barnes.  They both have fond memories of Christmas, whereas he remembers very little.  It's a mission report, given to a handler in the back of an office building.  Incongruously, the handler is dressed in a Christmas jumper, probably having come from an Office Christmas Party to hear the report.  

 

The mission report is from the early hours of December 17th, 1991. 

 

James can feel Bucky shrinking like a guttering candle in the back of his mind as he recoils in horror at the knowledge of what the Asset had done. 

 

Sargent Barnes feels sick, and James?  He just feels tired.  So, so tired.  The Asset drops the string of coloured lights that he had been attempting to untangle and left the room for the privacy of their quarters.  He sat on the neatly made bed and stared at the wall, waiting for orders, uneasy in a way that he hadn't been for weeks. 

 

Bucky was a silent, barely felt presence in the back of their mind. 

 

Sargent Barnes couldn't summon the energy to take charge, happy to stare at the wall with the Asset. 

 

James felt lost.   

 

He had grown used to the strange new unity that lessons with Loki had afforded them, had grown used to Bucky participating more in their life.  Without his bright curiosity and drive, it felt like they were drifting. 

 

The Asset was uncomfortable.  He had not anticipated that sharing that memory would have evoked such a negative reaction.  He had only been trying to understand the Christmas ritual, and now everything was out of balance.  

 

It will be ok, James assured them all.  We'll work this out.  It's just something new to deal with, we deal with new things all the time.  Last week we lit a candle with the power of our mind. 

 

Bucky flickered brighter to insist that they had to apologise to Tony. 

 

You haven't spoken to him once, Sargent Barnes pointed out.  You haven't spoken to Steve, let alone the rest of the team. 

 

This is different, Bucky decided, pushing down his nausea and shock over the knowledge of what his hands had done. 

 

Our hands, James reminded him.  We're all in this together, you are not alone. 

 

I should be, Bucky argued.  It's my weakness that has fractured us like this. 

 

It was Zola, Sargent Barnes reminded him.  We've been split since long before the fall, we just didn't quite realise what the torture had done to us.  I have to take at least half the blame; it was easier to deal with combat without you.  I do agree that we owe Tony an apology.  Shall we ask FRIDAY to video call him? 

 

The Asset blinked.  I should apologise? He asked.  I was in control. 

 

Hydra were in control, James disagreed.  We should make sure that he knows that we're sorry.  We are all sorry, right? 

 

It was nice to be in agreement again, something clicked together that had been jarring in their chest.  James took a deep breath and stood up, pushing the Asset back.  I don't want to call him in here, this is our space, he decided as he walked to the door. 

 

Steve was on the other side.  

 

He paused for a moment, not sure how to react.  "I need to talk to Stark," the Asset said after a moment, as no other, politer, option came to mind. 

 

Steve frowned in confusion.  "All right.  He just arrived, how did you know?" 

 

"I didn't, I was planning on calling him," Sargent Barnes grumbled.  "Where is he?  If he punches me, I deserve it so don't go all self-righteous ok?" 

 

"He's in the kitchen.  Why would he punch you?" 

 

Sargent Barnes shrugged and turned to head towards the kitchen, Steve striding to keep up with him.  "I remembered a mission.  You can stay and listen if you want." 

 

"Buck, what are you talking about?  A mission?  Was it when Hydra had you?  Because none of that was your fault and if Tony punches you I-" 

 

"For pity's sake Stevie, can it!" Bucky exclaimed, surprising Steve enough that he stopped walking for a moment and had to jog to catch back up. 

 

"Bucky?" he asked quietly. 

 

James resisted the urge to roll his eyes and chose not to respond.  

 

Tony was alone in the kitchen arguing with Friday, which suited Bucky just fine.  He turned to them when they entered with a bright smile.  "Well if it isn't my favourite old timers!  What can I do you for?" 

 

"Hi Mister Stark," Bucky said, swallowing around a sudden lump in his throat.  "I... I have something to apologise for." 

 

Tony froze and the Asset suspected that he already knew, and that they were putting themselves through this for no reason, but Bucky was determined. 

 

"On December 16th 1991 the Asset codename Winter Soldier was given a mission to eliminate Howard Stark.  There were to be no witnesses.  I... I'm really sorry Mister Stark.  If you don't want me to be at the facility any more I understand." 

 

"Bucky!" Steve protested.  Bucky held out a hand to shut him up, and waited patiently for Tony Stark to respond. 

 

"Not enough whiskey in the world," the billionaire muttered, looking pale.  He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders.  "So, Maria Stark was not a target?  If she hadn't been in the car, she'd still be alive?" 

 

Bucky shook his head.  "She was not a target on that mission.  I don't know... Hydra is twisted, they might have decided to take her out later if she became a threat to them, but at that point she was..." he searched for the modern term.   

 

"Collateral damage," Stark supplied for him.  "Ok, so I still get to blame Dad for Mum's death then, good to know."  he turned around and began making coffee with sharp staccato movements. 

 

"You can't blame Bucky for this," Steve said in his Captain America voice. 

 

"I blame Hydra," Stark spat out without turning round. 

 

"So long as it stays that way," Steve said ominously.  Bucky gave in and rolled his eyes. 

 

"Will you give it a rest?" Sargent Barnes groaned.  "You are being such a Swiss Admiral, seriously.  This is between me and Stark, pack up your bellyaching and get out of this kitchen." 

 

Stark turned around with wide eyes as Steve spluttered.  “Barnes, despite the generally horrifying nature of this conversation, I now want to give you a fist bump,” he announced.

 

Sargent Barnes shrugged and held out his right hand, loosely curled into a fist.  They solemnly tapped knuckles as Steve scowled in the background.

 

“Seriously, it is a breath of fresh air hearing someone else talk to Captain Perfect over there like that.  You can stay Elsa, just make sure that you keep on putting him in his place when he needs it.”

 

“That’ll be all the time then,” Sargent Barnes joked, drawing another laugh out of Stark.

 

“I’m making you coffee. You get to call me Tony,” he decided.  “Cap, you do not get coffee on account of your severe and obvious lack of faith in me.”

 

Steve pouted, honest to god pouted, and Bucky blinked at him in astonishment, his brain effortlessly overlaying the expression on a thinner, paler version of his face.  “Is his coffee that good?” he asked.

 

“It’s the best,” Steve said sadly.  “No one else can work the machine like he can.”

 

Bucky considered that for a moment.  “You’re not stealing any of mine then,” he decided, hopping up to sit on the counter and watch Tony as he expertly manipulated the coffee machine with a pleased smirk.

 

“So, any stories you’d like to hear while you make us coffee?” Sargent Barnes asked.  “I have several hundred embarrassing ones about Steve, and possibly a few embarrassing ones about Howard, but I don’t want to launch into those if you don’t want to hear them.”

 

Tony peered at him out of the corner of his eye as he poured milk into a jug.  “Any that embarrass them both?”

 

Sargent Barnes grinned.  “Ok, so Peggy Carter had all the boys twisted around her little finger, right?  And Howard was late, like so late, for a big lunch meeting.  Peggy was furious, so she told all the Howlies that whoever kissed Howard, on the mouth, in public, could take her out for dinner.”

 

Tony snorted, a small smirk lifting the corners of his mouth.  “Sounds like Peggy,” he said fondly.  “How public is public?”

 

“Well, Steve really wanted to take Peggy out for dinner, but he was terrible at actually talking to her.  He’d been trying to work up the courage for weeks, so I don’t think he really thought the implications of the dare through, he just wanted to go out for dinner with her.   He cornered Howard coming out of the officers mess, three different units of men playing football and smoking in the yard outside the building, and he’d asked me for advice, right?”

 

“Asshole,” Steve muttered from the doorway.

 

Sargent Barnes gave him his cheekiest grin.  “So I told him he had to make it big, right?  To be sure to impress Peggy, he had to dip the man.”

 

“And did he?” Tony asked eagerly, sliding a cup of coffee along the counter.

 

“Oh yeah, leg in the air, hair practically touching the floor, the whole works,” Barnes grinned as he picked up the coffee and took a sip.  “This coffee is excellent, thank you.”

 

“Thank you for the story,” Tony smiled back.  “I wonder why I never heard that one, from Aunt Peggy if not from Dad.”

 

“She probably wanted to block out the whole episode, the dinner by all accounts was absolutely terrible,” Barnes confided.

 

“Bucky!” Steve protested, his cheeks scarlet.  “Tony doesn’t need to hear about that.”

 

“Tony does,” Tony insisted.  “C’mon Robocop, let’s go down to my workshop and you can tell me all about it and I’ll introduce you to the bots.”

 

Sargent Barnes happily followed the engineer out of the room, delicious coffee in hand, as Bucky bounced excitedly inside over the idea of meeting Tony’s robots.


	6. Benign

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki asks a question that has Bucky questioning his plans for the future.

Loki teaches them to create magical darts and the Asset is pleased to add a new weapon to his arsenal. James wonders if perhaps, one day, they will feel confident enough to walk around without weapons, knowing that they can fabricate a knife at any moment. Not yet, although they have started leaving their handguns in their room.

No one seems to have noticed, and James cannot tell if he is pleased or sad at this evident lack of observation. The Asset is definitely pleased, because to him it means that they had not been noticed in the first place.

"You have good aim," Loki said approvingly as he strode back up the range, the perforated paper target in his hand. The knives had melted into turquoise vapour as soon as Bucky had stopped concentrating on them.

"Remember, you only need to focus on the knife for as long as it takes the blade to do damage," the god reminded him. "After that, it is to your advantage if the weapon vanishes as your enemy will both bleed out sooner and hopefully waste some time searching for it with the intent to throw it back at you, giving you more time."

"Thanks Loki," Bucky grinned, taking the target and surveying the neat star he had cut into the centre.

"Well, I think that you have mastered this skill for now. What would you like to learn next?"

Bucky looked up at him in astonishment. "You want me to pick? I'm happy to learn whatever you're willing to teach me, you know that."

Loki shrugged. "And I am happy to teach," he assured him. "You have had a taste of the basics now, and it is at this time that typically a mage chooses his path. I furthered my study of illusion, for example. Once I had mastered that, I took to exploring the branches of Yggdrasil in disguise."

"I need to think about this," Bucky said, feeling overwhelmed but determined not to retreat.

"Naturally," Loki nodded. "The others are due back any moment or I would offer to cook for you again."

"You should cook anyway," Sargent Barnes objected. "Your cooking is fantastic, and you live here too."

"Perhaps," Loki allowed with a small smile. "But that is one battle I do not feel like staging right now. Thor will no doubt seek me out, to talk about nonsense as usual, and your Captain Rogers will want to speak with you too."

James repressed a sigh as he realised that he would have to readjust the thermostat before Steve got home or its low setting would incite far too many questions. "Same time tomorrow?" Bucky asked hopefully.

"I thought a little later," Loki said. "On the roof. Friday informed me that it is to be a clear night."

Bucky nodded. "All right, see you then."

He held out an arm and Loki clasped it briefly, before turning to walk out of the room. The Asset turned to the rifle cabinet, wanting to get some practice in before Steve appeared. The blond was predictable like that.

Sargent Barnes and the Asset continued their ongoing competition, content to strive for perfection against each other. James was more focused on Bucky, who was thinking furiously.

Calm down, James advised him. Let's go over this logically, ok? He said that we knew the basics, so what do we know? List it for me.

Levitation, moving things without touching them and making fire Bucky listed out. We tried illusions last week but I couldn't get the trick of it. So, really that's levitation, telekinesis and conjuring something from nothing. Do we know any other powers we haven't done?

That story he told us last week had shapeshifting in it - but perhaps that's just advanced illusions? James wondered. Also, I think he can teleport.

Teleporting would be cool, Bucky decided. But also potentially scary, what if you left a bit of yourself behind? Anyway, he also mentioned healing potions, but I suppose that's a whole different thing.

Plants are probably different on Asgard, I bet he couldn't make most of them here. I think there's one more - enchanting objects! So, which sound like the most fun? Or the most useful, if we want to keep all parts of ourself happy.

Bucky thought hard, running through the options. Telekinesis, although fun, probably wasn't all that useful. He already had superstrength so he didn't need help lifting things, and he knew enough now to be able to pull small things like handguns towards him. He didn't seem to have much aptitude for illusions. Levitation was fun, and the idea of flying around the world had merit, but ultimately there were other, more mechanical ways to achieve that.

The Asset had been very impressed with the knives that they had been able to produce, and it would be interesting to see where further study would take them. Sargent Barnes had remarked wistfully that being able to summon fire would have been amazing when trudging through Germany in the middle of winter. Bucky thought wistfully of the simple days back in Brooklyn when he worked part time in a garage coaxing stubborn engines to run sweetly, and wondered if he'd be able to enchant a car to fly. Or maybe a motorbike, that would be fantastic.

It seems like you've narrowed it down to two, James pointed out. Don't worry, I think the others will approve.

The target was peppered with small perfect circles of six dots each, Sargent Barnes and the Asset both quietly pleased with their performance.

What next then? Sargent Barnes wondered. Where are we going with this? We can't safely fight alongside Steve's team with Hydra's hooks still in our brain.

Some of us don't want to fight with the team at all, James pointed out.

Well, what else is there? Sargent Barnes wondered.

James slowly realised that he wasn't sure. We could do absolutely anything, he thought in wonder. Especially now that we know magic. The sky is the limit!

We know a very little magic, Bucky pointed out, although he didn't seem to be against the idea of not joining in the fight.

He turned as Steve opened the door to the range. "Hey, Buck!" the blond said cheerfully. "Put that rifle down and come have lunch with me."

*

There were too many people on the base. It had been a while since the whole team had been present at the same time, and the Asset was struggling with the change. To many variables, too much danger. He returned to their rooms (thermostat now carefully set to a Steve-approved temperature) and strapped on three handguns before heading down to dinner early.

Hawkeye was already sitting in the best position to view the exits, and Black Widow had taken the second best spot. The Asset paused in the entry way, scanning the room. The kitchen was safe, but Vision and Wanda were there, the android listening carefully as she explained the finer points of the dish that she was teaching it to prepare.

The Asset distrusted Vision, it did not follow a predictable human pattern and it was not on base enough for him to form a secure analysis.

Him, James reminded him. Vision chose to identify as male, the proper pronoun is 'him'.

The Asset finds social protocols intolerably boring. Having discounted the kitchen and the seats around the television, he made his way to the dining table and slid into his preferred seat.

"Dinner will be a few minutes more," Wanda called to him.

The Asset ignored her, pulling the touchscreen phone Stark had given him from the pocket of his cargos and looking at the weather forecast to make sure that it was still clear. It was. He then checked the moonrise time. 4:15AM. Satisfied that conditions were optimal for stargazing, he sank back into wary watchfulness, tracking the others as they moved around the room.

Loki and Thor entered the room. Thor looked pleased, he paused by the kitchen to comment on the dish cooking. The Asset had reviewed footage of him fighting during the battle of New York and calculated that he was the most skilled of all the Avengers, his fighting style honed by decades of practice into a deadly art. It was not a complete calculation however, as he had not complied enough data on Vision to form a secure analysis. Loki scanned the room and approached the dining table.

"Is this seat taken?" he asked.

The Asset shook his head. Loki sat gracefully and observed him for a moment.

"Is there anything I can do to increase your comfort?"

The asset thought for a moment. "There are more variables than optimal," he replied shortly.

Loki nodded. "Yes, the room is rather fuller than usual," he agreed. He paused, looking around. "I think that, with my assistance, we could incapacitate them non-lethally and depart, should it become necessary."

The Asset frowned. He had categorised Loki as a trainer, but he realised on further review that the designation was inadequate. Loki was more than a trainer, he was an ally who shared knowledge. A skilled ally, whose fluid fighting style as evidenced in their training sessions and in the archive footage, would perhaps be equal to dealing with Thor and Vision. He allowed himself to relax a little, and Loki smiled approvingly.

"So, Asset," he said lightly. "I noticed that the design of the knives that you conjured differ significantly from my own, and I wonder if you would be open to a discussion? It has been many years since I updated my design, and stagnation wearies me, I would value your opinion."

The Asset blinked. Loki wanted to talk to him? Wanted his opinion? He could not remember ever having been engaged in discussion like this, no-one had ever wanted to speak with _him_.

Go on, James encouraged gently. It's you he's asking, not the rest of us.

The Asset took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. "The Red Room weapons department experimented with multiple designs," he told the god. "When I was... awake, I was allowed to spend time in the testing area when I did not have a mission. I found that the leaf shaped blade suited me better than the triangular blades, I was able to throw multiple patterns accurately with the same design."

"So you found that the triangular design was less accurate?"

"It depended greatly on the type of throw," the Asset explained.

Loki nodded. "What was your second preferred design?" he asked, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind his ear.

The Asset settled into the conversation as the table slowly filled up around them, the others casting surprised glances at the two of them but choosing not to comment. He knew that it could not last, but the others reminded him that that was no reason not to enjoy the moment.

Eventually, dinner was ready and Hawkeye took the seat opposite Loki. "What are we talking about?"

"Throwing knives," the Asset told him, Loki sitting silently at his elbow.

"Great, something I actually know something about," the archer said with a smile. "I may have to sit at this end of the table more often. Do you prefer ring handle, axe handle or no handle Loki?"

Loki took longer than usual to answer, his surprise at Barton's words obvious to the Asset, if not to the archer. It did not take him long to recover, and soon the three of them were in a slow conversation that lasted the entirety of the meal, much to the Asset's surprise.

He tentatively rated it as the best meal that he had experienced to date.


	7. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By Bucky’s count, Steve has nine other people for backup now. Does he really need one old soldier still hanging about?

A few days later the base was half empty again, some crisis in China drawing the majority of the team away. The Asset relaxed his vigilance and James wandered the grounds, wanting to enjoy the warm touch of sunlight on his skin. Bucky was keen to put his new skills into practise; sensing the natural energy flow that surrounded everything was far easier outside with his feet firmly planted on the moist earth than it was encased in steel and concrete.

Loki found him leaning against a tree as he contemplated the potential life stored in a small acorn, and smiled his approval.

"Would you like me to show you how to accelerate its growth?" he asked. Wide eyed Bucky nodded, tracking Loki's every move as the demi-god stooped to select his own acorn from the ground. "Watch carefully."

The forces in the acorn were woven tightly together into a dense ball inside the shell, and Bucky watched carefully as Loki found and tugged at a single strand, breaking it cleanly and starting a chain reaction as the rest began to stir and expand. The acorn quivered and split in Loki's palm, sending first a white root and then a green shoot into the fresh air. Loki fed the small plant some energy of his own, replacing what it would have taken naturally from soil and sunlight, and nodded with satisfaction as the plant stretched and shivered, putting out fresh green leaves and splitting its roots into finer and finer strands.

"Can you part the earth?" he asked Bucky, who swallowed but nodded, dropping to his knees and studying the energy web below their feet. After a few minutes carefully looking, he thought he'd identified a weak area where the ground would be amenable to splitting. He indicated it with one hand, and looked up at Loki, seeking approval for his choice.

"Here?"

Loki, now holding the young oak by its slender trunk, raised one thin eyebrow. "Trust your own judgement," he advised.

Bucky felt unsure, but another scan of the immediate area convinced him that this was the best spot he could sense. He sent a thin tendril of his own energy to worm its way into the weak spot, splitting the fragile strands. There was an answering judder in the material plane and a thin crack appeared in the ground, the white roots of the grass spears almost gleaming against the dark soil.

"A bit wider please," Loki said calmly, waiting while Bucky concentrated on increasing the gap. "Good," he said after a few minutes, and Bucky slumped back, panting.

"That was harder than I thought it would be," the human confessed.

"You did very well," the god replied, stepping forward and using his long fingers to delicately slide the new roots of the tree into the gap. "Think you're up for reversing the process or would you like me to?" There was no judgement on his face, it was a simple offer. Bucky assessed his own reserves as he caught his breath.

"I think I'd like to try," he decided.

Loki nodded, and carefully held the sapling in place as Bucky concentrated hard, drawing the energy fields back together around the slender trunk. He was sweating by the time he had finished, but triumphant as he relaxed his hold on the strands he had been manipulating and grinned up at his teacher.

"Well done," Loki said, letting go of the tree trunk and watching in evident satisfaction as it stood tall in the grass.

"What do you plan to do next?" Bucky asked him, climbing back to his feet.

Loki frowned. "Next?"

"Well, you're obviously not going to be here forever," Sargent Barnes pointed out. "You've got another, what, three thousand years to live? This base won't even be here."

The trickster shrugged. "I have been thinking about it, I suppose," he said casually as he lead the way back to the base. "Specifically my actions towards Jotenheim. Was that included in your file on me?"

"It's the realm of the frost giants, right?"

"It's where I was born," Loki revealed, casting a sideways glance at Bucky to measure his reaction. "Odin found me, abandoned in a temple."

Bucky frowned. "That doesn't sound right," he objected. "You don't abandon children in temples, you expose them on hillsides, that's if you're mad enough to abandon a child in the first place. You put things that you want to protect in a temple."

Loki stopped walking so abruptly that Bucky nearly ran into him. He spun on the spot and captured Bucky's face between two cool palms.

"Brilliant mortal!" he smiled, leaning down to place two lingering kisses, one on each cheek. "I never considered that. Thank you."

He abruptly let go and sped into the base, leaving Bucky reeling a little in his wake. His cheeks felt uncomfortably warm, bereft of Loki's cool touch.

What was all that about? Sargent Barnes wondered.

*

Steve was sitting on the couch when they returned to their rooms, flicking through the news channels on the overly large television.

"How was your mission?" James asked as he unlaced his boots.

"Successful," Steve said with a smile. "Would have been better if you'd been there, backing me up."

Sargent Barnes scowled and Steve's eyes widened in surprise. "I reckon you have nine other people lookin' out for you now, punk. _Nine_. You don't need me."

"Well, no, but I just-"

"Can it," the Sargent ordered, dropping into an armchair. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe I don't want to fight anymore? That maybe after seventy years of brainwashed assassinations I'd want to be done with it all?"

Steve was gaping like a goldfish, it was a look that made Bucky feel slightly nostalgic.

"Not all of us got to take a seventy year nap," he said flatly, overruling the rest of the rant that the Sargent had lined up.

"Bucky?" Steve spluttered.

"Yes, Stevie?"

The blond shook his head. "It's just... Sometimes you sound more like you than at other times," he said quietly. Bucky bit back his first response and waited for Steve to continue. When dealing with Steve, silence was often an effective tactic because the punk seemed to feel a need to fill it if it went on for too long. "I'm sorry, I didn't think... Of course you don't want to fight anymore. You didn't really want to fight in the first place. I always felt so guilty."

"About what?" Bucky asked curiously.

"After Zola you could have gone home, but you stayed. You stayed for me. Fighting in that hellhole when you didn't need to. Then you fell, and if it wasn't for me, if you hadn't stayed for me then you wouldn't have fallen."

Bucky shook his head. "I knew the risks. Me falling is not on your shoulders, stop carrying it around with you" he ordered.

Steve smiled bitterly, but turned his attention back to the screen. "What do you want to do then?" he asked as he tapped the arrow button to change through the channels.

Bucky shrugged. "Might be nice to leave the base, see something of the world," he said cautiously, thinking about Loki and the carefully caged impatience he had started to recognise in the god of mischief over the past few weeks. "Think they'd let me out?"

It was saying something about bad habits, Bucky reflected, to realise that after so many years Steve still chewed on his lip when he was about to deliver bad news.

"It's not that you're a prisoner here," Steve started.

"Except that I am," Sargent Barnes said flatly, Bucky having given up on the whole conversation in disgust.

"They just want to make sure that you're stable," his friend protested.

"And how exactly are they planning to determine that?" Barnes demanded, narrowing his eyes. "Because I don't know if you've noticed, but they're not exactly hanging about to evaluate me!"

Steve shifted uncomfortably. "What do you fancy for dinner? I was thinking of cooking from scratch."

"Don't change the subject. Exactly how much effort is being put into deciding if I'm stable enough to be unleashed on the general population, huh?" the Sargent demanded. "How much time are they spending on Loki? You know he's going to live for another three millennia, right? Surely you've taken into consideration that he will outlast this base-"

"What?" Steve interrupted, wide eyed. "Have you been speaking with Loki?"

Barnes slumped back into the soft cushions of the armchair and gave into the impulse to press his palms over his eyes. The metal was smooth and cold against his face, a welcome counterpoint to the warmth of the room.

"Of all the things to take away, Steve. You really are ridiculous."

"He's dangerous Buck, I didn't realise that you'd been speaking with him."

"I'm dangerous!" Sargent Barnes protested. "What did you think was going to happen when you kept on wandering off saving kittens and smashing the villain of the week? Was I supposed to sit here like a helpless princess waiting for you to come home and tell me all about the non-classified bits of your daring adventures?"

Steve was spluttering negatives, completely blindsided by the conversation. James wondered if perhaps they should let Sargent Barnes vent his ire more often, it was certainly more effective than James' own attempts at communicating with Steve.

"Loki has been good company," Sargent Barnes said firmly. "If you're willing to accept that I've changed now that Hydra no longer has hold of me, you need to take into account that he may have changed now that the Mad Titan no longer has hold of him. We're all dangerous, Steve. It's why we're here."

"You can't trust him," Steve said, horror written all across his face. "Who is this Mad Titan you're talking about? Why don't any of the others know about this?"

"Natasha and Clint do," Barnes pointed out, effectively derailing Steve's protests. "We talked about it weeks ago, and anyway it's all there in the briefing packets if you look carefully. Aren't you supposed to be the best strategist of our generation? I think you're slipping if you can't even read a briefing properly."

"So you think he was ordered to attack us, how does that change things? He still did it," Steve said stubbornly. "I don't want you spending any more time with him Bucky, he isn't safe."

"I'm surprised you're not drowning in your own hypocrisy," Bucky spat, climbing to his feet.

"What?"

"He still did it?" Bucky whined in his cruellest imitation of Steve. "You judge him, you need to judge me. And Clint. And Natasha. Hell, let's throw Banner and Stark under the bus while we're at it." The rooms were too warm, the hot air was going to suffocate him. He strode to the door and wrenched it open without looking back, not wanting to spend another second within the stifling chambers.

He ended up back outside, staring at the young oak tree that Loki had grown and he had planted. Had it really only been than morning?

"Are you alright?" Loki asked, appearing beside him.

"How did you know I was out here?" The Asset asked, wary at the implied vulnerability.

"You walked past my rooms on your way outside," Loki said shrugging. "When mages are unsettled we can cause... Ripples I suppose you'd say, in the forces around us. Are you all right?"

The Asset accepted the Loki's worse as a reasonable explanation and subsided as Bucky shrugged. "I had a fight with Steve, I just wanted to get out of here."

Loki nodded, his green eyes soft with understanding. He held out one pale hand. "So, let's go."

"What?" Bucky asked, staring at Loki's outstretched fingers.

"Do you trust me?" the God of Lies and Mischief asked with a smile.

Slowly, Bucky nodded, reaching out hesitantly to press their palms together. "Where are we going?"

Loki's triumphant grin was sharp. "To Jotenheim!" he proclaimed. Bucky held his breath as green-tinged magic swirled around them and he felt the fabric of the material plane judder and shift.

When he next inhaled a wisp of frost tinged chill slipped down his throat into his lungs and he relaxed as he exhaled a cloud of vapour. He opened his eyes to see snow clad mountains jagged against a roiling grey sky and wildly beautiful blue-green ice sculptures carved into the glacier they stood next to.

"Jotenheim?" he asked his companion, who was viewing the scenery with awe-widened eyes.

"Jotenheim," Loki confirmed. 


	8. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki takes Bucky to Jotenheim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided that the Jotnar also get allspeak, as Loki translating or Bucky not understanding half the conversation seemed tiresome. I hope you all enjoy my take on Jotenheim! I made it up as I went along, so it's not based on anything in particular.

 

The Asset had expected Jotenheim to be like Siberia, but the realm quickly proved him wrong. Although they started in a snow cloaked landscape, as he followed Loki down the glacier the thick carpet of white gave way to a light icing sugar dusting, and eventually none at all.

They moved through an ancient forest, tall straight trunked trees standing like columns on either side of the meltwater river from the glacier, shining blue-white as it rushed downhill. Bucky was enthralled by the delicate blue flowers that opened like stars from the vines of a prolific creeper.

"Where are we going?" he asked once they had walked several miles in silence.

"You said that people don't abandon children in temples," Loki said, which both was and was not an answer.

"So, we're going to a temple?"

Loki shook his head. "The temples are all high on the mountain sides, up above the snow line. We're going to the nearest settlement."

They came to a break in the trees, and Bucky stopped to stare. Loki continued for a few paces, before reluctantly pausing and turning his face towards the gap. Before them, the forest was no more. The great trees lay in frozen piles like so many matchsticks, the delicate foliage crumbled to icy shards. Frozen ice crystals seemed to hang in the air, as if the countryside was under some sort of spell.

"What happened here?" Bucky breathed as his eyes roamed over the devastation. He could see all the way across a wide valley to another mountain range, and although in places there were strips of dark green life still to be seen, much of the countryside was locked in winter. Dark cracks rent the land, the mantle of the realm split into deep gullies. His eyes traced one shadowed path, and he realised that it extended up the mountains, splitting a peak in two.

"My father and I made rather a mess of the realm," Loki said sadly. Bucky twisted to look at him in shock.

"You did this?"

"Some of it." Loki sighed, his shoulders bowed as if underneath a great weight. "The casket of Ancient Winters, wielded by my biological father Laufey is responsible for the devastation of the forests," he explained. "I... When I learnt about my heritage I turned the power of the bifrost against this realm. Much longer and it would have shattered into pieces."

Bucky nodded. "Have you come back to fix it?"

Loki shrugged. "If they'll let me," he said lightly. "I don't know.... I don't know enough. Jotnar are the monsters of bedtime stories in Asgard. I do not know enough about my people to know how they would view my actions."

"Do you know how to fix it?"

Loki's wry smile twisted his mouth. "I don't know that either," the god admitted. "But I know... I know that the right thing to do is to try. Maybe there is something I can do, some path that I have not considered." He turned to look at Bucky, something serious, almost fearful in his eyes.

"What is it?" Bucky asked gently. "Is there something else you need to tell me?"

Loki swallowed. "Something worse," he whispered. "I just... I want to remember the way that you look at me right now, with all the different aspects of you peering out of your eyes, unified in your acceptance of me."

He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. Bucky watched in fascination as blue flooded his skin, chasing away the white until all was blue. Scarlike lines carved their way across his cheeks and forehead, and Bucky had reached out unthinking to touch them when Loki's eyes snapped open. Red. They were so red, and they focused on Bucky's pale human fingers scant inches from his face, narrowing in anger before Loki caught up and realised that this was no attack. He stumbled backwards into the icy devastation that his ancestor had caused.

"Don't... Don't touch me," he gasped. "My skin will hurt you."

"No," Bucky said with a calmness that James wasn't sure he matched. "You wouldn't hurt me." He crossed the distance again, and this time Loki remained, trembling a little, and allowed Bucky's warm human fingers to brush his cheek. "See? I'm fine. You're in control."

He could see it, see the tightly coiled web of elemental power that roiled under the surface of Loki's skin. He could calculate how it might spike, how a single touch could freeze, but now as Loki calmed at the evidence that he would not turn Bucky into a human icicle with a single touch, his magic calmed too.

Loki's red eyes were wide and wet as he stared into Bucky's face. "You... You're not disgusted by me?" he asked, childlike.

Bucky shook his head firmly, reaching up with the metal hand to frame Loki's face between his miss-matched palms. As the god had done to him earlier, he pressed two chaste kisses, one to each blue cheek. "I am not Asgardian," he reminded him. "I have not been filled with a thousand years of prejudice against the Jotnar, the only one I know of is you. And I like you, in case you hadn't noticed." He let go and stepped half a pace back. "Shall we carry on in our ill-advised mission to find your mother?" he asked.

Loki shook himself, but kept the blue skin as he stepped out of the ice and back into the cool forest. "What makes you think we're looking for my mother?" he asked as they resumed their hike.

The Asset rolled his eyes. "You know what happened to your father, it was not a difficult deduction," he said dismissively. Loki nodded his acceptance of the deduction. "I do not have the optimum number of weapons for a hostile engagement," the Asset admitted reluctantly.

"I do not expect the engagement to be hostile," Loki replied. "However, I know that you'll feel more comfortable... We have several more miles to go. I can teach you how to make a weapon from a physical base, if you like? Unlike the knives that you have made from pure energy, as these originate from present matter they do not disappear once you stop concentrating on them."

The Asset nodded. "That would be acceptable," he agreed, sinking back and letting Bucky take over.

*

It took them a further three hours to reach the Jotun village, and in that time Bucky had mastered the art of carving wood and stone into weapons. He was quite pleased by the spear that he had been able to create from the frozen wood of the fallen trees, the hard stone edge of its blade diamond sharp and jagged. Loki had shown him some additional endurance enchantments that turned the original energy patterns of the wood into something flexible and durable, the stone had needed not such enhancements. It had been very difficult to work with, but the achievement made the weapon all the more precious in his eyes.

"Not bad for a first weapon," Loki had said critically, before carving some runes of his own into the grain. "We'll have to spend some time with the reference books, you need a proper signature of your own," he declared as he passed the spear back. "Now, however, we are nearly there."

Bucky nodded, having noticed the signs of life in the forest around them. He spared half a thought for Steve, who was probably trying to find him to apologise, and then pushed the soldier from his mind. This, here with Loki? This was new and interesting and everything that life on the base was not.

"Are you with me?" Loki asked, summoning his own golden spear.

"All the way," Bucky confirmed as they crested the brow of a small hill and spotted the settlement laid out below them, grey stone houses surrounded by a patchwork of small, irregularly shaped fields. The meltwater river splashed it's way across one side, bisected by two arched stone bridges. Bucky spotted a squat tower, the highest point in the village, was manned by two blue figures clad in leather and fur.

"They will spot us," he commented to Loki, who stood as if frozen looking at the houses. The god swallowed again and strode forward with confidence that the Asset suspected was fake.

"Let us hope that the welcome committee is willing to talk."

By the time they reached the foot of the hill, a small crowd had gathered. The Asset was reassured when he realised that the group included infants, as in his experience hostile crowds tended to leave their young at home. Still, he remained alert and dropped back a pace to allow Loki to reach the group first. He was uneasy to realise that he was gathering more suspicious looks than Loki, but Sargent Barnes pointed out that that probably had more to do with skin tone than anything else.

They paused a few meters away from the group, and Loki opened his mouth to speak but a shriek rose from the crowd and a slender figure fought their way to the front. The Asset braced himself for an attack, but the frost giant skidded to a halt before engaging with them. He saw that it was a woman, clad in mottled white and brown furs. Her hands were empty, her blue forearms exposed to the weather. He looked at her face, surrounded by curling black hair, and realised that the raised markings on her forehead matched Loki's own.

The Asset chanced a quick sideways glance at Loki to gauge his reaction before returning his attention to the uneasy crowd. The god seemed taken aback, his lips parted in shock as he stared at the woman in front of them.

"Farbauti!" snapped a tall Jotnar with a severe frown. "What are you doing?"

"This is the lost one," she replied in a whisper, her eyes fixed on Loki's face. "This is my lost one." She drew herself up to her full height and spun on one heel to face the gathered crowd. "They are welcome," she said solemnly.

"But Farbauti-" the frowning Jotnar began to protest.

"They are welcome," Farbauti repeated stubbornly. "Blood of my Blood, Baugi. This is my decision."

The Asset stayed still as the crowd shifted and then slowly began to disperse. Farbauti turned back to look at Loki again, her red eyes wide with wonder. "Will you come with me?" she asked. "My home is not far."

Loki was unexpectedly silent, so the Asset tightened his grip on his spear and stepped forward. "We will," he answered for both of them. "Please lead the way." He reached out with his free hand and slipped his fingers around the crook of Loki's elbow to draw him forward.

"What are we doing?" Loki hissed in evident panic, although he didn't resist as the Asset pulled him along.

"Bein' polite," Sargent Barnes muttered back. "Given the odds, I think this is a more favourable outcome than anticipated."

Farbauti's house was not far from the edge of the village, and Barnes suspected that Loki would have preferred more time to compose himself. It was similar to the other buildings, with thick round walls and small windows, its conical roof covered in what looked like moss. There was a large clay pot beside the front door with a flowering shrub in it. She opened the door and gestured for them to precede her inside. As Loki still seemed half in stock, Barnes reckoned that it was up to him, so he sent up a brief prayer that this wasn't some sort of trap and walked inside.

He found himself in a small buffer room with a row of pegs made from antlers along one wall, holding a collection of cloaks and other warm garments. Faubauti closed the outer door behind them and lead the way into the main room of the cottage, where a small fire glowed in the central hearth.

"Would you like tea?" she asked.

"Yes please ma'am," Barnes said politely. "Should I remove my boots?"

Farbauti smiled at him. "I think you would find the floor too cold for your liking, mortal," she said kindly. "I will make you a warming tea. How are you called?"

"James Barnes, ma'am."

"You may call me Farbauti," she told him, reaching up to unhook a kettle from one of the roof beams. Now that he was inside, it was obvious that the roof was made from tree trunks planed smooth that supported a intricate latticework of smaller branches before the whole thing was coated in the moss he had spotted from the outside.

Loki twitched and Farbauti immediately froze, her eyes fixed on him. "I apologise," the trickster said, stiffly.

"No," Farbauti said simply, pouring water from a tall ewer into the kettle. "I shocked you, there is nothing to apologise for. Please, sit, and I will tell you my story, and then perhaps you will share yours with me."

Barnes sat cross legged on the furs by the hearth and after a moment, Loki sank down next to him, his blue hands resting lightly on his knees.

Farbauti set a tripod over the fire and suspended the kettle just above the flames. She stayed crouched on the other side of the hearth to her guests, her eyes fixed on the flames.

"There was a time when Jotenheim had a great and wise Queen, but those times are past. There was a time when Jotenheim and a cruel and greedy King, and this time has also passed. There was a time when Farbauti was considered the fairest in the realm, I will leave it to you to decide if this time has also passed," she began in a sing-song tone. Bucky was enchanted, if slightly distracted by the way Loki had stiffened at his side.

"A greedy King cares nothing for others. A greedy King takes what he wants, and so he took the maiden Farbauti for his own and marked her and called her his Queen when she was really nothing more than a thrall. When she gave birth to tall sons he was glad, and when," her voice trembled a little but she blinked fiercely and continued. "When she gave birth to a small son he cast her aside. Farbauti was banished from the court, but she had friends and family to turn to, and together they plotted to return, to save the small son of Farbauti for it was not for the King to dispute the decision of the Norns.

"The plot failed and the friends of Farbauti despaired, for an attack took place as they smuggled the child away. There was no life, no sign of Farbauti's three children, and the village mourned. The wreckage was searched and the bodies cleaned and named. Helblindi lay there still, Byleistr lay there still, but the youngest could not be found. He became the lost, Hverfa, the smallest son of Farbauti."

Tears were running down her face as she reached out with a wooden hook to lift the lid of the kettle, scattering fragrant herbs into the water that had just started to simmer before removing the whole thing from the fire and setting it onto a flat stone.

"Odin said that I had been abandoned," Loki said abruptly. "He said he'd found me abandoned in a temple, and I never thought to question it until Bucky pointed out that you don't abandon things in temples, you put things there to keep them safe."

"The temple?" Farbauti repeated with a frown. "We found the bodies of Hyrokkin and Dagr in the temple, along with many of Laufey's guard."

"They were part of the team that smuggled Loki out?" Bucky asked.

Farbauti nodded. "They were. Loki, you are called?" she asked Loki directly, setting out thinly carved wooden cups. "Loki of Asgard?"

Loki shivered a little but nodded, his blue fingers clenching into fists. Bucky reached out and laid his metal fingers on top of Loki's sharp knuckles.

"My poor boy, to have lived amongst such prejudice," Farbauti breathed, her eyes wide. "I would like to hear your story, if you wish to share it."


	9. One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bravery comes in many forms; truths are spoken and decisions taken.

 

The Asset was not surprised when they returned to find the base on alert. He and Loki had been in Jotenheim for several hours, and to his knowledge neither of them had told anyone else of their intention to leave, or to return.  
  
If it had been entirely up to him, he's not sure that he would have wanted to, but Sargent Barnes seemed to think that they owed it to Steve. The Asset was not so sure, and to his surprise Bucky wasn't either.  
  
Still, Bucky was resigned and once Steve came barrelling out of the side entrance of the compound, shield strapped to his back, he stepped in front of Loki.  
  
"I don't need you to protect me from my battles," the god muttered petulantly as Bucky's move slowed Steve's headlong rush.  
  
"I'm not," the mortal contradicted. "I'm just dealing with my mess. You get to deal with Thor."  
  
Loki groaned. "I'd almost forgotten about him," he grumbled as the heavens opened.   
  
James rolled his eyes. "Speak of the devil."  
  
"BROTHER!" Thor bellowed as he approached. "I thought you had changed! Is this how you reward my trust, by kidnapping and lying?"  
  
"Woah, woah!" Sargent Barnes felt the need to step in as Thor overtook Steve. "There was no kidnapping here, I asked to go."  
  
His words dumbfounded the god of thunder, who stopped so abruptly that Steve actually ran into him. Loki and Bucky both snorted in amusement. "But... Heimdall could not see you!" he protested.  
  
"Does not change the fact that there was no kidnapping here," Barnes said firmly. "Steve and I had a fight, and I needed to clear my head. Loki wanted my company, and he had somewhere to be, so we went together. That's it. We're back here and World War Three hasn't broken out, right? So what's the problem."  
  
Steve gaped at him, reaching up to wipe water out of his eyes. "Bucky, what? The problem is that he's supposed to be here where we can keep an eye on him!"  
  
Barnes rolled his eyes. "Come on Stevie, I already gave my opinion on that particular piece of bullshit. And if you'd care to include me in the 'we', I was keeping an eye on him. We were fine. Jeez, you're such a mother hen, loosen the apron strings already. Have some tea, it'll do you good."  
  
Loki snorted with laughter behind him. "While I appreciate this assistance, Sargent, I believe that we agreed that you would speak with the Captain and I would deal with the buffoon."  
  
"That was before he accused you of kidnapping me," Sargent Barnes argued. "I think a united front is needed. I mean, if you want to." He knew that Loki would understand that he was referring to more than just this single argument.  
  
"I can think of nothing I would like more, but I thought that you planned to make a home here?" Loki questioned, head tilted to one side.  
  
Bucky shrugged. "We all enjoyed today," he said. "And... we're not sure there's much here for us anymore. We can always visit, right?"  
  
"Of... of course," the trickster confirmed, his green eyes wide and confused.   
  
"Then that's settled." Bucky blinked raindrops from his eyelashes and turned to Steve and Thor, who were watching them with identical expressions of baffled alarm. "Steve, I'm leaving the compound. I feel that life here has stagnated." He thought of a television show he had seen Vision and Wanda watching in the common room several weeks earlier. "We've both changed, and you're not my person anymore," he said, feeling the certainty of the truth ground him. "Loki is my person now, and I want to see where this goes, so I'm leaving."  
  
"Bucky..." Steve protested. "I really don't think you've thought this through, this is Loki we're talking about."  
  
"I think I know a damn sight more about who I'm talking to than you do," Bucky countered. "How many conversations have you had with him, anyway?" He turned to Thor. "I realise that I cannot say the same for you, but I'd ask you to respect our wishes in this and not interfere."  
  
Thor frowned, but chose to ignore Bucky in favour of focusing on his brother. "Loki, you are not welcome in Asgard and barely welcome in Midgard. Where will you go?"  
Loki turned to Bucky with a smile. "I think Farbauti will let us sleep on her floor until we figure that out, don't you?"  
  
"I think she'd jump at the chance to spend more time with you," Bucky grinned back. "And there is lots of work to do there, I like making myself useful."  
  
"You're useful here, Buck!" Steve protested as Thor questioned; "Who is Farbauti?"  
  
Loki sneered at Steve. "If he's so useful, why do you force him to wander the compound achieving nothing day after day?" he asked, smirking when Steve couldn't think of an answer. "Farbauti is my birth-mother," he revealed, turning to Thor. "We visited her today."  
  
"You were in Jotenheim?" Thor gaped.   
  
"It's quite beautiful, where it's not half destroyed," Barnes said helpfully. "I'm not used to being a minority, but it wasn't that bad. Less prejudice than some parts of Midgard that's for sure."  
  
"Than a lot of Asgard as well," Loki agreed, reaching out to wrap his cool fingers around Bucky's flesh hand and squeezing gently.  
  
"It's cold, but Loki has promised to teach me some warming spells, so I think I'll be ok," Bucky continued casually, enjoying the way that Steve's eyes widened. A crack of thunder betrayed Thor's mood.  
  
"You should not jest about such things!" the blond growled, raising a fist. Bucky calmly summoned two knives into his hand and dropped into a ready stance, dropping Loki's hand.  
  
"Who said I was jesting?" he challenged.   
  
Loki stepped even closer and put one hand on his shoulder, staring at Thor with challenging eyes. "Bucky is an apt pupil," he told his brother. "He is the best that Midgard has had to offer me, and if he has no desire to linger here, I have no incentive to stay. I would have left weeks ago, had it not been for his presence."

"I told you, you're being too short sighted," Barnes told Steve, who was looking like a drowned puppy as water dripped from his short hair. After a moment's contemplation the Asset agreed that he could vanish the knives. Their point had been made after all.

"Buck, I don't get it," Steve said plaintively. "We're friends. Why would you want to leave?"

"Perhaps we should take this conversation inside if my brother can't get a hold of himself," Loki suggested. A chilly trickle of water had managed to penetrate Bucky's collar and slide down his back, he suspected that the trickster was in a similar predicament.

Thor's cheeks flushed with embarrassment and suddenly they were standing inside a clear circle, the rain still thundering down several meters away.

"That's better," Loki said cheerfully, waving a hand and banishing the water from his hair and clothes. He did the same for Bucky, but left Steve and Thor to drip. Bucky didn't blame him and the Asset commended his tactics. Now their attackers would be cold and uncomfortable with itchy water droplets distracting their focus. Bucky knew that it was past time to share some harsh truths with Steve, but he had been avoiding the topic for so long that he wasn't quite sure how to start.

"I'm not always Bucky," he said.

"Of course you're Bucky," Steve immediately refuted. "I know that you're not the same person you were back before you fell, but you're still Bucky and you're still my best friend."

"No, I'm not," Bucky sighed. "Only part of me is."

"Buck, I don't like hearing you talk about yourself like that," Steve frowned, stepping closer. "I don't think it's good for you to disassociate like this."

Bucky found himself turning to Loki, feeling helpless in the face of Steve's stubborn inability to listen to what was being said to him, hearing everything through his own internal filter of expectations.

"Captain Rogers, if this man really is your friend then you should do him the courtesy of listening to what he is saying, not to what you think he is saying," the trickster admonished the soldier. He slipped his fingers back between Bucky's and squeezed.

Grounded by the simple touch, Bucky started again. "Yes, I'm Bucky, but I'm also Sargent Barnes, and the Asset, and James," he explained, confidence building as Steve didn't interrupt him this time. "What happened in Azzano, what Zola did, it fractured my mind in a way that I'm not sure can be mended - I'm not sure I want it to be mended." He glanced at Loki, who gave him an encouraging nod, and turned back to Steve to find that he and Thor were both staring at Loki in shock. "We've talked about it, and we all agree that learning magic with Loki is the best thing we've ever done," he explained. "Loki wants to go to Jotenheim, to help rebuild the realm and in doing so make up for his part in destroying it. I want to help."

"You can talk with the other facets of yourself?" Thor questioned, folding his arms.

Bucky shrugged. "Yes, with Loki's help communication between my different selves became easier. Of course, that came with its own challenges - I hadn't previously realised that the Asset was responsible for the deaths of Howard and Maria Stark, for example."

"That came up in casual conversation?" Steve asked incredulously. Bucky resisted the sudden overwhelming urge to throw his hands in the air in disgust at Steve's uncanny ability to completely miss the point.

"No, no. We were trying to help him understand the Christmas holiday, when we were decorating the tree," James explained.

Thor frowned. "You changed, just then."

James smiled. "I'm James," he introduced himself. "Bucky was speaking before, but he's at his limit for dealing with Steve for now, so I stepped in."

"This is most fascinating," the god of thunder proclaimed. "See, Steve, his entire demeanour has shifted slightly."

"No I don't see," Steve scowled.

"You may not wish to, but I assure you that it is true," Loki snapped. "This mortal has one of the most beautiful and fascinating minds that I have ever seen, and you who claim to be his friend have left him to rot here in your absence."

"Loki, that's enough," Sargent Barnes said firmly. "I ain't disagreein' with you, but I don't think we're getting anywhere. I'm starving, would you make us something tasty while I pack my gear?"

"All right," Loki agreed, tightening his grip for a moment before letting go. "Thor, if you wish to continue this conversation, I suggest that you follow me."

Thor was still staring at Barnes. "Another one?" he asked, ignoring his brother.

Barnes rolled his eyes. "Sargent James Barnes at your service," he drawled. "Me and Stevie have places to be now, we'll see you later. Pay attention to people when they talk to you, were you raised by wolves?" He raised a pointed eyebrow and jerked his thumb towards Loki in illustration. Thor immediately looked contrite, although his curiosity was still obvious.

Barnes decided that leaving would be the best course of action as Steve was sure to follow and Loki could more than handle his brother. Adoptive brother. Whatever.

"So, there are four of you?" Steve asked as he jogged up behind him.

Barnes bit back his initial sarcastic remark and thought about letting James take over again as Bucky still didn't want to talk to the oversized lummox. In the end though, he decided that as the one with the most experience dealing with Steve in his Captain America mode, perhaps he was the best qualified to have this conversation.

"He's never forgiven you, you know," he said conversationally. "Bucky, I mean. He mentioned Azzano just now? That's where this whole mess started."

"Never forgiven me for what?"

Barnes rolled his eyes. "For not stayin' home like you was supposed to, stupid. For getting all big and twice as righteous."

"Will you explain it all to me?" Steve asked hopefully as Barnes paused to hold the door open for him to duck through.

Barnes didn't particularly want to, but a quick internal check proved that everyone thought it was a good idea. They didn't really have a plan, but they didn't intend to avoid Midgard indefinitely, and they all agreed that friendship with Steve was important to maintain.

"I suppose I can't really say no," Barnes grumbled. He lead the way to their rooms, wondering if he would need to get an extra duffle from somewhere or if everything would fit into the two he had.

Steve sat on his bed and looked awkwardly around the space. "I guess you never really moved in properly," he said, his eyes taking in the empty shelves and precisely folded bedsheets.

Barnes shrugged. "Didn't exactly come here by choice, Stevie," he pointed out, pulling a duffel out of the wardrobe and unzipping it. "So, you wanted me to explain. It started in Azzano, like I said. Before... Before I was like you, I guess. I had the Bucky persona and the Sargent Barnes persona, just like you have Steve and Captain America, but they were both me. After Azzano, the Bucky sections sort of... Split, I guess. Retreated. I could handle the torture better if I just sort of shut that part of myself away," He grinned wryly at the expression on Steve's face. "I'm practical like that."

"I did think that you were a little different, but then it was war," Steve said slowly. "We were all different."

"True, and truer for me than for many. So, this went on for months, and maybe after the war Bucky and I would have reintegrated, or I would have gone dormant or something. I don't know. But then I fell and Hydra happened, and whatever they did with that chair shattered me for good. They blanked both Bucky and me, and tried to create something new. What they got, eventually, was the Asset. Bucky and I don't remember much about that time in our life, so don't ask." He put the last few pairs of socks into the duffel and zipped it closed before moving on to the weapons cabinet.

"All right," Steve agreed. "What about James? I guess he's the one I've been talking to the most these past few months."

"James is the youngest," Barnes told him as he piled handguns on the best and began to try to evaluate what to take with him. Loki could probably teach him to manipulate matter into bullet shape, he reasoned. Or they could come back for more ammo. Besides, the Asset always felt better with a loaded gun hidden somewhere on his person. "James... For a long time, we were just the Asset, and James sort of grew out of that after Hydra were destroyed. James is me when I knew nothing about myself and was figuring out if I preferred strawberry or vanilla milkshakes, if I wanted my sub with or without melted cheese."

"And what is Loki?" Steve asked, twisting his hands together. "I hadn't realised that you two had gotten so close."

Barnes rolled his eyes and abandoned the pile of guns to sit on the desk chair by the bed. "Loki may not be the most tactful person in the world, but he had a point," he said, choosing his words carefully. "You have a job, and I don't. You're not even here half the time, but I guess you've been busy filling the hours and they've gone quickly for you and you haven't noticed." He gave Steve a moment to think about it, waited for the first traces of guilt to suffuse his features. "Don't," he said firmly. "First I was figuring out being me again, and then after that it was Loki. I approached him, before you get some stupid notion all up in your noggin, and we talked and I guess one thing led to another."

"I had no idea mortals could even learn magic," Steve said wistfully. Bucky grinned and summoned a small fireball to hover above his palm.

"Magic is awesome," he said solemnly. "But it ain't just magic, Stevie. Loki is my friend, my teacher. He could be my partner, which is somethin' I don't think he's had before, not properly."

"You certainly looked close, out there," Steve said bitterly. "Holding hands and everything."

Bucky banished the dancing flames and raised an eyebrow. "Not illegal any more, Mister Righteous," he pointed out. "And I'm not sure you have much room to judge, considering you once tried to bribe a military official with a blowjob to get into the army."

Steve flushed. "I wasn't actually going to do it," he protested weakly.

"You still said it," Bucky continued relentlessly. "Anyway, I'm not even sure where that's going, but I do know that I want to find out and all the disapproving looks from you aren't going to stop me."

"Not disapproving," Steve refuted. "I just... I'm going to miss you. You're Bucky again now, right? I think I can see what Thor was saying."

Bucky shrugged. "I wanted to show you the fireball trick," he explained. "You'll be too busy to miss me, soon enough. I will come visit, or I intend to come visit. I'm sure Thor will be able to get a hold of us if there's an emergency, although I think if the Bifrost gets used in Jotenheim again it might cause mass hysteria."

Of course, Steve wanted to know what he was talking about and Bucky ended up telling Steve all about Jotenheim as he finished packing the guns. By the time he had finished and they were walking to the kitchen, Steve seemed like he had made peace with the change. Bucky had had faith that he would adapt quickly, and was quietly pleased that he had been right.

Thor and Loki were talking idly about someone called Freyr when they entered the kitchen, Loki stirring a pot on the stove and Thor wearing gold and red iron man mitts, waiting by the oven.

"Smells good," Barnes said approvingly, dropping the duffels by the table. "What do you have for me this time?"

"Braised pork and vegetables, it will be done soon," Loki assured him with a smile. "Would you like me to show you how to fold your luggage into a pocket dimension?"

Bucky grinned. "Yes please! That sounds awesome, but maybe we should just put it in yours for now, that sounds like it'll take me more than five minutes to master."

Loki shrugged. "Perhaps, perhaps not. Watch carefully then as I put it in one of mine, and we'll review it later."

"Those magical pockets of yours always did come in handy," Thor mused as he opened the oven to retrieve a tray of pork chops. "Do you remember that last hunt in Alfheim when Sif fell into the river?"

"Only too well," Loki replied, spooning vegetables onto the plates laid out on the table. "You were lucky I had come prepared, the rest of you didn't have more than a fire-starting kit."

Thor looked wistful. "Ah, but I had no need to be prepared myself when my brother was organised enough for the both of us. I have missed you theses past months, brother."

"I'm sure you've done very well without me," Loki snapped back, but Bucky could tell that he was pleased.

"It is not the same," Thor said sorrowfully, a twinkle in his eye as he retrieved a jug of apple juice from the fridge. "I shall have to invite you and the Sargent here the next time we have a hunt."

Bucky coughed. "Actually, I think the Asset would enjoy that," he said, carefully not looking at Steve. He accepted a plate from Thor with a smile. "Thank you, smells good."

"It is our mother's recipe," Thor shared with him as he passed a plate to Steve and sat down. Loki dropped the saucepan into the sink and sat down opposite Bucky, sliding a fistful of cutlery into the centre of the table.

"It's good," Steve said after he'd tasted it.

"I think I prefer the chicken, no offence to your cooking Thor."

Thor swallowed a large mouthful of pork and frowned. "The chicken?"

"The chicken and beer dish, you know," Loki said as he cut up his meat.

"Loki, you have cooked here before?" Thor asked, astonishment written across his mobile features. Loki grinned and took a sip of his apple juice.

"I have done a lot of things here that you do not know about."

The brothers bickered amiably as they ate, and Bucky tried to ignore the silence from Steve. He tried to comfort himself with the thought that Steve was probably just hungry, but he knew that Steve was brooding.

"It's not like we haven't been apart before," he pointed out as they took over the washing up. "At least you'll know where I am this time."

"Not as comforting as you think," Steve muttered, but he grinned and splashed some soapy water at Bucky and he thought that perhaps they were going to be all right.

Steve and Thor walked them out, Bucky's duffel now securely stored in Loki's pocket dimension - and hadn't that been something to see, watching the way that the threads of reality bent to create an opening into a sort of bubble that Bucky could now see was tethered to Loki by the finest of shining strands, following him and yet somehow stationary as Loki moved around it.

"Don't try to perceive it like that," Loki advised him with a smile. "You'll give yourself a headache."

"Could you live in there?" Bucky asked. "It looked big enough."

Loki shook his head. "I'd have to keep an opening to this universe at all times and that would be exhausting, or I'd have to make the dimension huge and self sustaining with a source of oxygen and some method of dealing with waste, and why would I bother when I can just make a home for myself in this dimension?"

"Fair point," Bucky grinned. "I can't wait to learn how to make one of those for myself. Or... Not make, I suppose, as they're already in existence. Find? Adopt?"

"Like a pet?" Loki smiled. "My own pet dimension, the thought has merit." His grin was sharp and carefree in the golden sunset light. "Are you ready to run away with me?" he asked, turning to look at the two Blonds standing awkwardly together, watching them.

"So ready," Bucky confirmed, reaching out and tangling their fingers together. "See you later, Steve. We'll be back to visit."

"Farewell, brother. Thank you for your hospitality, Captain."

Bucky grinned up at Loki, who smiled down at him. "Brace yourself."

Steve and Thor were left staring at an empty patch of grass as Loki whisked them away.


	10. Freight Car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki makes it so that he can never be triggered again.

They landed in knee deep soft snow, clutching each other and laughing. Bucky inhaled the ice-edged air of Jotunheim and felt a wide grin stretch and threaten to crack his dry lips. He felt light and free, as if he could run for miles or wrestle a bear.

Loki had an odd, content look in his eyes as he grinned mischievously and stooped to scoop snow into his cupped hands and fling it in a glittering arc around them, fingers already turning cerulean. Bucky spluttered as the frozen flakes hit him in the face and crouched to retaliate, the warmth from his fingers helping form a quick snowball that hit Loki on the shoulder.

Five minutes later they were still laughing, crusted in snow and happy as they sprawled in a snowdrift and looked up at the clear sky.

"Thank you," Loki said quietly once he'd caught his breath.

"For what?" Bucky asked, sitting up and looking down across the wide valley at their feet.

Loki shrugged, the gesture causing more snow to fall on him. "For choosing me, I suppose," he said once he'd extracted himself.

Bucky reached out to tangle their fingers together. "You're worth choosing," he said, feeling a little ridiculous but sure that those were the right words.

They certainly had an effect on Loki. The god leapt to his feet and began beating the snow from his clothes. He hauled Bucky up as well and muttered to himself as he changed his clothing to better insulate his frail human skin from the cold. Once there was nothing further to do other than walk, he held his hand out expectantly, firmly not looking Bucky in the eye.

Bucky rolled his eyes but took it anyway, white skin and blue clasped together. "You'd think that as the elder in this relationship by several centuries, you'd be the emotionally mature one," he teased as they started to walk down the mountain. Now that he knew what he was looking for, he could see the small clearing that contained Farbauti's village, and several more settlements further away, each beside the same meltwater river from the glacier. "Are we further away than we were last time?"

"Yes," Loki confirmed, chewing at his lip. "There was something I wanted to discuss with you as we walked."

"Spit it out then," Bucky encouraged, squeezing his fingers lightly.

"I... When we were at the Compound, you allowed me to see your mind," Loki began. "After that, I asked the Voice in the Wall for information about you."

"You mean FRIDAY?" Bucky kicked at a clump of snow and watched as it rolled down the slope, shattering into smaller and smaller pieces. "I don't mind, if that's what you're worried about. I'd rather you know already than have to explain it to you."

"That is not my concern," Loki said quickly. "No, I bring it up because I know about the words that they used to reset your mind, and I wanted to offer to remove the associations."

"You can make it so that they can't trigger me again?" James asked as Bucky retreated in confusion. Loki nodded and they walked in silence for a few long minutes as James pondered the implications. Eventually, after mulling over the possibility, he had a list of questions for the god.

"Will it hurt?"

"It will be painless."

"Will it affect the Asset?"

Loki hesitate, weighing his answer carefully. "The Asset will still be there, he is part of you now. It will have the greatest effect on him out of you all, it will free him from the shackles that they placed on him."

James nodded. "Do you think that my mind will ever be whole again?"

Loki stopped walking and looked at him, his red eyes darting all over his face. "Do you want it to be?" he asked.

James was surprised when he thought about his answer, considering both options carefully. "I don't know," he said honestly. "Perhaps not. But I do want the triggers gone, if the Asset will be ok."

"Any further questions?" Loki asked.

"How long will it take?" Barnes asked promptly, wriggling his cold toes inside his boots.

"A moment." the god looked embarrassed, his cheeks flushing a darker shade of blue. "I may have already studied the problem at length."

Barnes nodded firmly. "All right, shall we do it now?"

Loki hesitated, reaching up with one hand to cup Barnes' cheek with his palm. "Are you sure? All of you?" he asked, peering into his eyes.

Barnes closed his eyes and the Asset opened them. "Proceed," he said stiffly. "I... Freedom would be an optimal outcome."

"Very well," Loki said evenly, and everything went white.

The world sparkled crystal clear as James opened his eyes, Loki's worried face the first thing he saw. "Wow," he breathed, looking around. "I feel amazing."

Loki snorted. "I'm glad to hear it. You swayed alarmingly for a moment, I thought you were going to fall."

James took a step forward to test his balance. "I feel fine," he said, unable to stop a grin from tugging at his cheeks. "Come on, we've got a long way to walk yet, unless you feel like teleporting us there."

Loki shook his head. "I enjoy the walk," he said. "I want to see more of Jotunheim, to learn it and appreciate it."

"That make sense, it is your birth land after all," James reasoned. "Come on then, let's see if we can spot any wildlife this time. You can tell me all about your plans to help restore the realm as we go."

*

It wasn't until they were sitting on Farbauti's floor, wrapped in soft furs and sipping at steaming mugs of tea, that the magnitude of their actions hit. Bucky froze, unable to concentrate on the conversation between Loki and Farbauti as they discussed the relative merits of building a new house versus taking over one of the two empty ones in the village.

He was sitting in an alien realm drinking tea made from unfamiliar plants and to his knowledge he was the only Midgardian to have set foot in Jotunheim as anything other than a slave. He felt the crystal edged certainty of the Asset sliding over him and the world reduced to absolutes as he tumbled down into comforting black.

"Soldier?" Loki asked, noticing the shift. The Asset blinked, uncomfortable with the close scrutiny. The location was unknown, the intentions of the two beings in the room could not be adequately ascertained with the data available for analysis. The weight of his gun against his thigh was a reassurance, but he had seen Loki fight before and bullets would not harm him.

Loki would not harm him, a fragile internal whisper reminded him, but the Asset was not sure what to trust.

"Is he all right?" Farbauti asked.

"I think this is his version of a panic attack," Loki replied, his eyes still fixed on the Asset. The Asset did not want to be watched. "Soldier, what variables are required for optimal downtime?" Loki asked.

The Asset was surprised. His downtime was usually not a priority. He searched his mind, and the only acceptable answer was glaringly obvious.

"What is the mission?"

Farbauti's face was creased in concern, her sapphire hued hands coming up to cover her mouth, but Loki was calm, his muscles relaxed. "The long term mission or the immediate mission?"

"The long term mission is understood," the Asset told him.

"Ah, so it's the immediate mission that is concerning you. Well, despite the kind invitation to settle in the village, I do want to scout around a little before settling down, so tomorrow we will dress for the weather and go scouting."

"A reconnaissance mission?"

Loki nodded. "Rest is required for optimal performance," he reminded him. "You can relax, and drink your tea. No games," he hastily amended as the Asset frowned down at his mug, wondering what had been put in it. "You can have mine if you like?" Loki offered, his own half full mug outstretched.

Oddly enough it was this final add on, so different to the Loki that he had initially met at the Compound, that snapped him out of it. James shifted and settled more comfortably on the furs, smiling at Loki.

"Thank you," he said sincerely. "I think I'm ok now, just a bit of culture shock."

"An interesting way to deal with it," Loki said, watching him carefully. James shrugged. He thought that it was probably quite a sensible way to deal with unknown situations, to put the most combat ready section of himself on the front line so to speak, but then, unlike Bucky and Barnes, James had never known anything else.

"Are you all right?" Farbauti asked, twisting her hands together in a gesture that reminded him of Steve.

"I am now, thank you," James said. "Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you."

Farbauti sat next to him and studied his face. "It was like you were someone else, for a moment," she said, her red eyes tracing over his features.

"He was," Loki confirmed.

"There are four people in my head," James told her hesitantly. After months of keeping his secret, it was strange to confess it to three people all on the same day.

To his surprise, Farbauti just nodded. "You will have to introduce yourself each time until I have met you all," she said calmly. "Now, we have the choice of game or fish for dinner, do you have a preference?"

"Is the fish from the Vimur river?" Loki asked, grinning when Farbauti nodded. "Fish please then. Barnes will love this."

James settled back into the furs and watched as Loki and Farbauti attempted to cook together for the first time, an activity that mostly seemed to consist of them getting in each others way and disagreeing about the best way to fillet a fish and stew greens. The sight made him smile, content to simply _be_ in a way that he had never managed at the Compound. For all its strangeness, he had a feeling that Jotunheim could become home, if he let it.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End!
> 
> Thank you so much you guys for coming on this journey with me. This crack fic that was never really a crack fic because I can't write crack, for some reason. Your reviews and Kudos never fail to make me smile.
> 
> So... as the holiday season is fast approaching, if you're stuck for a gift for a loved one this year, please consider giving them a book! Specifically, my book - "My Great Escape" by Kirsty Olliffe, available in paperback and ebook format from Amazon. According to my proof readers it's awesome, and I'm rather proud of the way it came out - turning stereotypes on their head and all that jazz. Plus there's a cute cat in it. 
> 
> Also if you wanted to give someone who is pissing you off a present that seems legit but is ultimately a troll, consider giving them my other book, "Elysium Dysfunction". It has a terrible cliffhanger ending and no published sequel and is almost guaranteed to annoy them should they finish it. Honestly, I'd take it down if I could but Amazon doesn't seem to have that as an option.
> 
> Happy Yule!


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